Endless Wait

I have been waiting for this day for last 3 months, or last 15 years. Nisha is my first and the only love whom I could not marry. And, I decided that I would never marry. We had stopped talking since then but a few months back, Nisha wrote to me telling me that she was coming to my city and would love to see me. I am standing at the airport to receive her.

My heart is racing so hard, I am sure everyone can hear it. I feel the same trepidation I used to experience seeing her enter the class every day at college. I have imagined this moment hundreds of times since the day I came to know I would see Nisha once again, a hope I had lost years ago. Dreams do come true.

My heart skips a beat every time I see a passenger emerge from the exit, and I am disappointed every time. I am losing my patience, the flight was supposed to land half an hour ago. Weird thoughts are crossing my mind; I am engulfed in a fear. Is Nisha alright? Is destiny playing yet another game with me?

There is a chaos at the arrival terminal. I see security personnel trying to calm the crowd down. I approach a gentleman standing near the exit and ask him what the matter is. The TV screen inside the terminal catches my attention, and my whole world collapses in a second. For world, it is a crash of a plane carrying a couple hundred passengers; for me it is like crumpling of a lifetime of hopes. I do not know how long I stood there, but I come back to my senses when someone touches my shoulder. I turn around to see a woman standing there, and asking me to gather myself. She simply says, “Son, I will pray for you.”

I think I am crying. I have been trying to hold the tears for years and now, I can’t anymore. I cannot imagine life took Nisha away from me, a second time. I am one of those who are never meant to be happy. Perhaps I am just unfortunate; I always have been.

With heavy legs, I walk away from the airport. I get into my car, and I drive back home. I feel nothing as if my mind is frozen, incapable of feeling any pain. I don’t know when I reach home. I don’t want to get out of the car.

Then, I see her. It is Nisha! But how is this possible? She comes running to me, hugs me and says, “Faiz, where have you been? I have been waiting for two hours. You know, I wanted to surprise you, so I took the first flight to here!” I hug her tight, never to let her go.

Nemesis

She has been with me for last 3 years. She follows me wherever I go. It started on that day when I had visited her for the last time to convince her of my love and innocence.

I had gone here to talk to her, to plead her to come back to me. I had been trying to get back with her for several months. I had been begging her, following her everywhere, trying to reason with her. I had apologized many times, but she never gave me a second chance. I knew she was stubborn from the first day I met her. She was a strong-willed woman of principles. That was why I had been attracted to her.

For the 6 years I had known her, I saw her stand against anything that was not right, especially against women. I think it has something to do with her childhood. Though she never told me, but I heard from one of her friends that she had been abused in the orphanage where she was brought up. The constant harassment at the hands of her caretaker had made her resolve that she would do everything she could, to save other women from such misfortune. And she did.

I am also a sensitive person, and had been fighting cases for poor women. I belong to a rich family, so I could afford to look beyond the daily struggles of breadwinning. I chose a noble path, and during one such case, I had met her.

Everything changed 3 years and 8 months earlier, when a female colleague accused me of sexual harassment and took the case to her. I was innocent and was framed to stop me from fighting a high profile case against a minister. But, no one believed me. Not even her. I thought she would understand, but then my ‘victim’ had produced genuine looking ‘proofs’. I lost the case and my career was ruined. Everything went against me, and I would not have cared had she been on my side.

Yet, that I had visited her to talk to her, but as usual she had refused to listen. I literally went down on my knees but she did not listen. She even tried to attack me with a vase, which I tried to grab from her hand and in the struggle, hit her on her head. I killed her. She lied in a pool of blood, lifeless. I sat there shocked at how 15 minutes had changed my life, forever.

I looked at her and decided to turn myself in. But there she was, standing near her dead body and staring at me. I fell back with a jolt, and she laughed. She then said, “You wanted me to be with you. I am always with you now.”

Naya Ehsaas

Aaj hai ek naya ehsaas
Kuch ankahe ansune se khwab
Itraati hui subah ke saath
Mere mann ne kiya ek aaghaaz

Tumhare liye manzilein chunein
Tumhare saath khwab bunein
Is suhaane safar mein saath chalein
Apne liye hi saare raaste sajein

Jaanam hum har bhawna yun jagayein
Aashaon ke taraane sajayein
Sukh dukh ke fasaane sunayein
Zindagi tere saath khoobsurat banayein

Humsafar mere, mera jeena tumse hai
Meri saanson ka chalne tumse hai
Mere hothon pe muskaan tumse hai
Mera saara jahan tumse hai

Tumhara saath hi ek tamanna
Tumhara pyaar hi ek kaamna
Tumhare liye hi jeena marna
Aur is jeewan mein kya karna?

You

You taught me to love myself

You helped me find happiness

You loved me as no one

You loved me despite what I am

Then, why did you go away

Why did you not let me stay

And comfort you on a bad day

I wanted to wipe your tears

I wished I could be there

I dreamed us together forever

But you turned it into never

Why did you not let me share

Your burdens, your worries, your care

Without you, life wasn’t fair

I promise to make it up now, if you say

I will hold your hand and lead the way

I will stand with you every moment of everyday

I won’t let anything get in the way

Please come back to me darling

Together, we’ll make a new beginning

Asar

Yeh mausam ka hai asar ya tumhara
Muskurane ka dil karta hai
Bewajah hi gungunane ka dil karta hai

Mujhe laga main hoon tanha
Tumne aake saara gam bhula diya
Phir zindagi ko rangeen bana diya

Kho gaye tum toh laga sab kho gaya
Par ab phir se woh sama laut aaya
Itne barson baad dikha apna saaya

Dil bachkaani harkat karta hai
Har samay yun machalta hai
Bewajah hi gungunane ka dil karta hai

Beyond deceptions

Meghna had been feeling something not being right for last one year. Little did she know that when she came to know what it was, she would wish she had never known it.

It all started when her brother-in-law, who was living in a different city, got married. Till then, Meghna's married life was what many would say normal. Normal because majority of married couples in India stayed together just for the sake of it, long past love was lost between them. All interaction Meghna and Anil had between them was about grocery needs, and their daughter's visit to the doctor, when she was ill. Apart from this, they lead their own lives - he was busy with work; she, with taking care of 2 year old Anu. But then, it all changed.

After his brother, Uday, got married, Anil became more caring and giving towards Meghna. He tried to help her around the house, they started going out every weekend, and they even went on a holiday with his family about 6 months back. Meghna was happy, yet skeptical. She did not understand why Anil and his family's behavior towards her became good so suddenly. She had always been criticized and insulted in this family, what was the reason that brought this change in them? Sometimes, she thought maybe Anil had learnt something from his brother who was very caring towards his own wife, Sonia. But she did not quite comprehend how someone living hundreds of miles away could have so much influence over Anil's behavior. But then, hadn't her mother-in-law been having that kind of influence over him since day one of their marriage? Hadn't the old lady determined every move Anil made, every decision he took, and every breath he inhaled? Perhaps now the influence had become positive. Meghna pondered over this question for a few weeks. Then, she shrugged the thought off telling herself she was being paranoid and that she should enjoy the goodness in life.

It was the Anu's 3rd birthday when she finally found the answer to the question. Anil invited his family for the occasion. Meghna was putting icing on the birthday cake she had prepared, when they all arrived. Meghna was so shocked to see Sonia that she almost dropped the cake; Sonia was pregnant and good 5 months pregnant! And, no one had even mentioned that to Meghna! Her first reaction was that this family had not changed at all. They were just pretending to be good to her. Then, she asked Anil what was the matter and he said even he did not know about the pregnancy. How come he did not feel shocked or offended about not being told? When her mother-in-law and Anil talked about every small thing in their lives, how come he did not know? Meghna knew that was simply not possible. It must be something else. She did not want to spoil Anu's birthday celebration, so she did not talk to anyone about this that evening. She soon got lost in her daughter's joy in being the 'celebrity' of the day. How lovely Anu looked that day!

After the celebration, in the week that her in-laws stayed with them, Meghna sensed something between Anil and Sonia. She was not a suspicious person, but the way they both behaved around each-other was weird, and too close for that kind of relation. And Meghna found out soon what it was. Just before the in-laws were leaving, she overheard Sonia and Uday arguing, and Uday said, "Why don't you stay with the baby's father. I am tired of pretending!" Meghna was shocked to hear this and did not believe her ears. But then, she confronted Uday. She never thought that life could throw such a shock at her. Uday told her that the child Sonia was carrying was actually Anil's. Uday was impotent and had agreed to get married to keep up the pretenses in society and Anil and Sonia were college sweethearts.

Meghna did not know what to make out of all this and was too shocked to react to anything that anyone said after that. She felt she was moving in a dream, a nightmare, and had completely lost all her senses. She performed her duties, said goodbyes as if she was a robot and all this had been programmed into her memory. Even after they had left, she could not believe all that was really happening. She thought she would wake up from this nightmare any moment. Though she did wake up, but the reality was stranger than dream. She came back to her senses when she spent a whole sleepless night and almost fainted from fatigue the next day while dropping Anu to school. It was then she decided that it was time Anil answered some questions.

When Meghna reached home, Anil was ready to leave for office, but Meghna told him she wanted to talk to him. He stayed to listen to her. So she asked him what relation he had with Sonia and her child. At first, he lied. But when she told him that Uday had already told her the truth, Anil confessed but added, "Meghna, you must realize I did it for my family." Meghna was even more petrified. She said, "Anil, you knew Sonia in college. You planned all this. Now, you do not have any shame in your eyes or any feeling of guilt in your heart and you expect me to think of you as a great and sacrificing person?" Then she added, " I am sorry Anil but I really need to think about us now. This is too much for me to understand." Anil left the house without saying anything. He thought Meghna could never leave him. After all, she had Anu to take care of.

Meghna pondered over the same thing the whole day. She knew life would be tough if she got divorced. She kept on thinking what was right for Anu. She knew Anu's life would be even tougher. In the end, she decided to leave. And she told Anil of her decision as soon as he returned from work. It was his turn to be shocked now and he tried to discourage her by telling her how difficult a divorced woman's life is in India and that having Anu would make things worse. Meghna replied disgustingly, "So you do not even wish to keep your daughter with you? Anyway, I did not plan to leave her with you, and now I do not even regret leaving you. My life will be tough, I know. But at least, it would be mine." And she went inside to pack and leave.

Meghna looked back at her house for the last time and thought she would miss it more than she would miss the life she had between those walls. She held Anu's hand and began the journey towards peace and happiness.

A Day in the ICU

Shalini looked at the clock for the hundredth time in the last one hour. She did not know what to think and what to do. She had already called Shreya’s school about half an hour back and had been told that her daughter had left with her dad at the usual time. Shalini has been continuously trying Ravi’s cell since then, but the response was always the same – not reachable. She even called his office number at regular intervals, though she knew it was pointless. Yet, she did it to tell herself that she was trying to do something in the given situation.
Shalini was wondering if something dreadful had happened to Ravi and Shreya. She kept praying to God to keep them safe and let this be just a traffic delay. But her mother’s instinct told her something else. She could feel her daughter’s tears; she could hear Shreya calling out to her for help. But Shalini could do nothing; she felt so helpless for the first time in her life. She was one of those people who could find something positive in every situation, but today she just grew more and more desperate with the clock ticking away.
Just then, her cell phone rang. Shalini ran to get it. She knew this was some news about Shreya and Ravi. Indeed, it was; but the news was not a good one. It was Ravi on the line and he asked Shalini to catch a taxi to the Emergency of the City Hospital. Shalini was shattered and asked him if Shreya was alright. Ravi said, “Shalini, just come here. Shreya is in safe hands.”
Shalini grabbed some money and rushed to the road. She literally ran out of the residential compound. Thankfully, as soon as she exited the main gate, she spotted a taxi. She called for it and asked the driver to hurry to the hospital.
One thought kept returning to her throughout the drive. “Why did Ravi say ‘in safe hands’ not ‘fine’?” Shalini prayed so intensely that she felt everyone could hear her plea to God. “Please make her well. Please let her not be hurt. Please let her be fine. Please…” Shalini did not realize that she was actually praying aloud. When the taxi stopped at the traffic signal near the hospital, the driver turned back and comforted her, “Don’t worry sister, your baby will be fine. You will take her home tomorrow.” Shalini looked at him gratefully and tears rolled over her cheeks. She managed to say, “Thank you.” When she got down from the taxi at the hospital, she handed over a 100 bill to the driver and asked him to keep the change. He returned the money and drove off. Shalini was amazed, but she did not put much thought into it.
She hurried to the reception where Ravi was waiting for her. He led her to the ICU. Shalini was devastated at the sight of Shreya. Her little frail frame seemed even smaller. Number of strange medical instruments were attached to various parts of her body. Shalini collapsed on the floor. She kept crying and kept repeating, Ravi, she had not wanted to go to school today. Why did I force her?” Ravi tried to calm her down but Shalini was not able to hear anything. All she saw was her daughter’s colorless face; all she heard was the beeping of the machines.
After some time, Shalini stood up and walked up to Shreya. She held her hand and started singing to her. She sang Shreya’s favorite songs, lullabies and poems. Ravi felt Shalini losing it, but he knew Shreya meant the life to Shalini. Shreya had been born after 3 miscarriages and 6 years of marriage. Ravi’s mind kept going back to the accident scene. If he had not tried saving the idiot underage driver in front of his car, the truck would not have hit him from rear, and Shreya would be safe. In that accident, Ravi was the one following all the rules, and he was the one losing lives. Ravi wondered why life was being so unfair to Shalini.
Shreya’s voice broke Ravi’s trance. He did not comprehend what she was saying, but it looked like she was trying to sing along with Shalini. Ravi saw the light on Shalini’s face. She started singing with enthusiasm while Ravi looked on.
In next 5 minutes, what he saw made him cry. Shreya looked at Shalini and said feebly, “Mama”. That was perhaps the most emotional moment of his life, since he had first seen Shreya, minutes after she was born.
The doctor examined Shreya and announced to the couple that their daughter was out of danger, and she was perfectly alright. The doctor wanted to keep Shreya under observation for the next 24 hours. He said, “Mrs. Singh, your daughter will be up and walking by tomorrow. She might be a little week for a few days because of the blood loss from her head, but she has no other injuries. All her reports, including MRI scan are OK. So take her home tomorrow if she shows good signs during the next 24 hours.
Shalini was overjoyed. She hugged Ravi and cried on his shoulder for a long time. Both of them kept thanking the Lord for this blessing.
Next day, when it was time to go home, Ravi refused to enter the car in which Shalini carried Shreya; he said he would meet them later at home. Shalini was baffled but did not get a chance to ask the reason. Ravi sent off the cab. Shalini does not know till today whether she imagined it or it was the same driver, from the day before, giving her thumbs up sign when she came out of the hospital, carrying Ravi in his car. But what she knows is, Ravi never came back. There was a phone call later that night that gave her information about Ravi's body lying unclaimed in the very hospital Shreya had been the day before.